Instead of just posting about green things, I figure I’d post about the most ungreen, unsustainable, unnecessary crap in America.  Why just America?  Because the Chinese government scares me.

Award Shows

if only this filled the hole that is an actor's self-esteem

I have an idea, let’s get a bunch of rich people together in one big room so they can all masturbate to their respective “accomplishments.”

don't worry, there will be

There are award shows for music, black music, hispanic music, horse racing, poker players but acting award shows are the biggest crock of them all.  We, as a country composed of supposedly civilized people, award people for PRETENDING to be other people. You know, now that I think of it, I used to go to an award show like that, it was called childhood.  I got tons of undeserved praise and attention for pretending.  Did I get an award? Yes, actually I did.  My mom gave me several awards when I was particularly creative or imaginative.

where's this kids oscar? i guess they suck at pretending.

Movie star actors get awards too.  It’s called a PAYCHECK.  There’s no need to gather all of the big paycheck havers into one room and compare their pretending skills.

It’s not just the fact that these shows are complete jerkfests that makes me so hostile it’s the sheer abundance of them:

• Teen Choice Awards
• American Music Awards
• Academy of Country Music Awards
• American Film Institute Awards
• Billboard Music Awards
• Country Music Association Awards
• MTV Movie Awards
• Soul Train Awards
• Razzies
• Tony Awards
• TV Land Awards
• World Music Awards
• Screen Actor’s Guild Awards
• My VH1 Awards
• Kids Choice MTV: Video Music Awards
• The Grammy’s
• Academy Awards
• The Golden Globes
• Emmy Awards
• Daytime Emmy Awards

The Academy Awards alone generates about 400 million dollars for thepeople and the state of California. Everyone from caterers to limo drivers gets a piece of the action.  Too bad the 400,000 people who die from lung cancer in California each year aren’t as interesting.  If only they covered California hospitals with shiny diamonds…

two scoops of raisins are for chumps!

Instead of just posting about green things, I figure I’d post about the most ungreen, unsustainable, unnecessary crap in America.  Why just America?  Because the Chinese government scares me.  

If you have an idea for The Biggest Wastes Ever, post it below and take the credit!

Burning Man

hippy waste

Now you may be asking yourself “How can a bunch of hippies in the middle of the dessert doing drugs and running around naked be wasteful?”  Well, I’ll be more than happy to tell you. Despite last year’s Burning Man being green themed, it was the most wasteful of all other Burning Man’s in the history of Burning Man.  Why? Because it was also the biggest Burning Man ever and, Burning man being inherently wasteful, means the bigger it gets the more waste gets produced.  Here’s the basic rundown:

• Move 48,000 people from all across the world.
• Bring all the crap they need to survive in the desert for 5-7 days (food, water, fuel, drugs).
• Bring or ship all their art and structures.
• Drive about 20,000 vehicles into the dessert most of which are trucks, RV’s, and tractor trailers (distanced traveled can range anywhere from 3,000 to 30 miles).
• Run generators 24 hrs a day to light up everything and cool the RV’s. 
• Consume, burn, or dump EVERYTHING you brought.  

To be fair, you don’t dump all your trash in the desert in a giant pile.  Instead, you pile it into your car or trailer and then unload it at the nearest dump (about 50 miles away).  My camp (just 10 people) resulted in about fifteen 13-gallon bags of trash.  That’s 195 gallons of trash for only ten people!  Now imagine 48,000 people consuming, burning, and driving:

i think i can see god crying

And all of these resources are consumed for what?  ”Self-expression, self-reliance, and art as the center of community?”  What a freaking joke.  This is the most egocentric, hedonistic, flashy waste ever imaginable.  Want to express yourself?  Start a journal.  Want self-reliance?  Move out of your parents house.  Want art to be the center of your community?  Then make art that you don’t burn five days later.

Don’t get me wrong, I had an AMAZING time at Burning Man but towards the final days there I realized what Burning Man really was and still is: a self-involved waste.  After seeing what a huge waste it all was, I did a little thought experiment that went a little something like this:  

Including the cost of the ticket, travel, camp fees and supplies going to Burning Man can conservatively cost anywhere from $800-1500.  Instead of using that money to throw a huge party what if 48,000 people got together each year and contributed their talents and $1,000.00 to help end world hunger or revolutionize energy consumption?  The real rub is that if you ask 100 people at Burning Man if they care about the environment 99 of them would probably answer yes or give you a light show.  

And on the Other End of the Spectrum…NASCAR!!!

pointless

Yes, the most popular sport in America is also the biggest waste ever.  I know this will piss off about half of America, but I could really care less.  NASCAR sucks and that half of America sucks.  Thirty-five to forty-three cars that get two to three mpg  line up and race in a circle, WHOPEE!  I’m sure there are some dudes out there that will say “Man, you have clearly never been to a race, you’ve never felt the speeeeeeed.”  

this guy should cut back on the speed.

Guess what?  I’ve been to a race before and I’ve felt the “speed.”  But after lap 12314198019 the speed got boring and all I wanted to see was a fiery wreck of steel and rubber.  Let’s be honest here, that’s what most of the people who watch NASCAR want to see.  They don’t want to see cars drive in circles for hours, that’s boring.  They want to witness a gut-wrenching pileup of flesh and metal.  In that case why don’t we just cut to the chase and sponsor a real life MECHWARRIOR battle, the franchise could use a rejuvenating bump anyways.

pew pew

they forgot ROFLERCOPTERS

Please don’t read sarcasm into the title of this post, it’s not.  I’m being totally serious.  I LOVE high gas prices.  Every time I pass by a gas station with a number I haven’t ever seen in the “ones” decimal place I smile with a glee not unfamiliar to a child that’s been gifted a new puppy.  Why, you ask?  It’s not just that Americans drove 11 BILLION fewer miles this past March.  Or that demand for gas has fallen for the first time in seventeen years. The real reason I’m so happy is because high prices are the only way to get people to pay attention and give a damn.  With that attention comes a change in perspective.  The smart car driver isn’t the crazy granola eating neighbor, he’s the foreteller who’s not spending $200.00 a month on gas.  

Oh, it gets better!  The higher gas prices get, the less competitive oil becomes against wind, solar, and geothermal technologies. And these aren’t the musings some random blogger.  Global investment in renewable energy has risen %333 since 2004 (30 billion to 100 billion).  And shows no sign of slowing down:

“The finance community has been investing at levels that imply disruptive change is now inevitable in the energy sector,” says Eric Usher, Head of the Energy Finance Unit at the UN. Usher said the UN’s “report puts full stop to the idea of renewable energy being a fringe interest of environmentalists. It is now a mainstream commercial interest to investors and bankers alike.”

I love it.  ”Fringe interest of environmentalists.”  Ha!  If by “fringe interest” you mean being ahead of the curve, then yes, you’re spot on.  Freaking gNoobs.  Was it really that big of surprise to Wall Street that gas would eventually run out and that even before it ran out prices would get a bit crazy?  I mean, part of the reason the picture at the top of this post doesn’t have numbers to represent high gas prices is because when I typed “high gas prices” into google images all of the pictures were still in the $3.00 p/g range, a good dollar or so below the average price now.  So, with an effort to keep this post relevant, I chose a picture that would stand the test of time and seven dollar a gallon gas prices.    

So, with that, I call out all the major oil producing nations: Keep raise those prices and I’ll be happy to watch with glee as you dig your own financial graves.

It seems like the greenest search engine is actually black!   Blackle or Black Google is essentially a predominately black Google powered search engine that according to some blogs could save about 750 Megawatts a year.  Even if it only saves one, I don’t care, it’s just a nice reminder that we can all take tiny steps to save energy and make this world greener.

So, what are you waiting for?  Change your bookmark from Google.com to Blackle.com and save a few watts for us all.

I was at Home Depot yesterday getting some ant traps, a screw, and a toilet duck (don’t ask) and got this receipt (pictured above).  Home Depot, may I ask you a question?  Why is your receipt fourteen inches long?  Do you have receipt envy?  Did Lowes used to have a bigger receipt than you and you needed show them who’s boss?  

I kid, of course but there must be some reasoning behind making such obscenely large transaction records for your customers.  Let us go through this receipt section by section and see what is really necessary and what’s just a waste.

The Top

This portion of the receipt displays the:

• Store’s Name
• Store’s Number
• Store’s Address
• Store Manager’s Name
• Store Phone Number
• Date and Time of Transaction
• And two lines of numbers that I don’t understand

All of this seems like pretty useful information and is fit into a space of about and inch and a half.  Well done!

The Logo

In case we forgot that we purchased these items at Home Depot, and are unable to read the top line of the receipt that says “The Home Depot,” this lovely home improvement chain has decided to remind us yet again that we bought these goods at “The Home Depot.”  

WASTE!  

Items Purchased and Barcode

This section is really the whole point of getting a receipt in the first place.  It shows us what we purchased, at what price, and even gives us a nifty barcode for quickly scanning the receipt for swift exchanges or returns.  Totally needed and understandable.  

Legalese, Return Info, and Ad

This section just tells us that Home Depot doesn’t have to sell to you if you’re being an ass.  I guess there are that many people acting up inside The Home Depot that it’s necessary for them to let all their customers know that they can give us the boot if we start acting crazy.  It also includes when their return policy expires, and that if you want something installed you should call them.  Thank you Home Depot for letting me know when your return policy expires and no thank you I don’t need anything installed by your overpriced contractors.  

Biggest Waste Ever

Bilingual Waste!

Here’s where things get a little frustrating.  It’s cool and all that Home Depot wants to give away a $5,000 gift certificate every couple of months, but does their primary promotion have take up almost HALF of the receipt and come in two languages?  

Let’s break down just how much waste this really is.  According to Home Depot’s own Quarterly Earnings Release there were 318,000,000 transactions completed across all of their stores in first quarter ‘08. That’s approximately 1.2 billion transactions a year.  The $5000 dollar gift card promotion portion of the receipt is approximately 8″X3″ or roughly 24 square inches of paper totaling in ~28.8 BILLION square inches of promotional waste.

That’s about 450,000 square miles which would cover about 300 Rhode Islands, 10 Ohios, or 3 Californias.

That’s a lot of paper.

It’s also needless.  Considering the survey promotion is about half the receipt length, all Home Depot would have to do is put the promotion on the BACK of the receipt and presto %50 less receipt waste.

I’ve been reading a few posts about how green is becoming too trendy and a few others about sustainability’s trendiness.  So which is trendier greeness (not technically a word but it is now) or sustainability?  I think I have a better question:

.

..

…

yes, those ARE question marks

Are people really peeved over green and sustainable initiatives being talked about too much and too often? Well, for all you out there tired about reading green/sustainable stuff I will say two things:  1) Why are you on this site?  and 2) Get used to it.  Greeness and sustainability is NOT a trend.  It may be trendy to talk about it now but the world will go sustainable whether you like it or not and there are only two ways in which it’s going to do it: 1) Is global and local action where we all roll up our sleeves and get the job done and 2) We do nothing and die off until the world population gets to a number that can sustain itself on the resources the Earth provides.  I like the first option because it doesn’t require mass death. 

I do hear what some of you are saying though.  I get the whole “green and sustainable have turned into buzzwords and are losing their meaning” argument.  But if talking about these initiatives too much is our biggest problem, I think I can deal.

So, there’s this thing called Earthrace, a New Zealand based not-for-profit run by a guy named Peter Bethune.  It’s a boat team and boat (pictured above if you haven’t guessed) that are attempting to break the world speed record for circling the globe.  The catch is that this vessel runs exclusively on biofuels and was built using hemp, ice cream containers, and other reused or recycled materials and will result in a net-zero carbon footprint.  But wait, there’s more!  Most of the biofuel comes from plant matter but a tiny fraction of it, about 100 milliliters, came from Peter Bethune’s own love handles!  That’s right he got a plastic surgeon to suck out some fat around his midsection to fuel this thing.  Now that’s dedication to a cause, or pure insanity, or both.  

oh, it tickles!

But how green can a speedboat really be?  Earthrace is purchasing carbon points to offset any CO2 given off by the boat.  But how effective are carbon points? Can we really just throw money at our waste?  I do not know the answers to these questions, but something seems fishy to me.  Buying carbon points seems a bit odd, like a baby seal clubber purchasing mean points.  How does this offset the harm done?  The whole CO2 thing isn’t my biggest gripe with these guys.  It’s the fact that they’re raising awareness for biofuels.  Which will in no way or in any capacity replace fossil fuels.  Numerous studies from various universities have shown the environmental dangers of biofuels.  End result is more starving people and more oil put into the production of biofuels, than the oil we get out.  

Here’s the breakdown:  I’ll give these guys points for raising awareness, but I think they lose major points for it being in biofuels and for putting millions of dollars into a freaking boat instead of giving it to an organization that directly effects to good of people.  How many families could have been fed with the money it took to make this boat or maybe we could have just put a couple of dudes in an apartment this winter.  

But, I suppose if you’re going to spend money on the fastest boat in the world it might as well be as green as it can be.  And after all, it is still one cool looking boat.

vrrrroooom!

Many of you may have already guessed it, being on the self-proclaimed Greenest Site Ever that gNoob (pronounced geeNoob) stands for green noob or green newbie (be wary though for if you use the term newbie instead of noob you are showing your own noobness but this is another matter entirely). Anyways, I have struggled with the actual definition of the gNoob.  I’m like the supreme court and porn.  I can’t define it but I know what it is when I see it:

gNoob Party

They lose extra points for being Floridian

You’ll notice if you click to enlarge the picture that the arrows are pointing to all of those people that are driving with only one person in the vehicle.  I didn’t just single out the big trucks because, hey maybe they have some important building to do, I really don’t know.  All I know is not all of these gNoobs need to be driving where they’re going and sure as hell not all of them need to be riding solo, anyone heard of telecommuting?  Perhaps some of them are on their way to a wonderful meal at a fine dining institution:

Meal of the gNoob

mmmmmmm

This guy’s meal choice is definitely a gNoob move.  Fast food is pretty crappy for everyone involved.  But I’m not just picking on this guy because he’s chubby, I’m a little chubby too.  These people, although svelte and young are maybe even bigger gNoobs: 

freakin gNoobs

I’d vote that these clowns are bigger gNoobs than the guy above because although they may not eat it, it looks like they’re totally amped at selling you their crap food.  Thanks for the insincere smiles gNoobs.  Why don’t you cash your sell out checks at the Bank of the Devil.  

Okay, so maybe I’m being a little harsh on all of these people.  I mean, I know I like me some Burger King and McDonald’s when the mood is right and I sure as hell like to drive alone with my awful music blasting and if the money was right I think I would advertise a baby goat killing washing machine.  So, I suppose that I’m really a gNoob too.  I think the important thing is to recognize when you’re being a gNoob, ask yourself if there’s another way and then do it!  

Seeing as though I clearly don’t have a clue what a gNoob is, why don’t you tell me?

Can anyone topple the cloth and disposable diaper giants?  New diaper product takes a stab at the poo managment biz. 

All parents want a diaper that is easy to dispose of, safe, absorbent, and affordable.  But can you have all of those things and not hurt the planet? The makers of gDiaper promise a well fitting, convenient, eco-friendly diaper that simply flushes away.  But can the gDiaper stand up to the two diaper staples: cloth and disposable? Using five criterions: convenience, cost, absorbency, safety, and eco-impact I’ll compare the gDiaper and see if it’ll hold water, and pee. 

Ease of use

There’s no doubt that disposables are the easiest to use.  That’s their whole thing: undo the Velcro, minimal poop touching and a toss in the garbage.  Cloth diapers, assuming you don’t use liners, require poop to be scraped into the toilet, rinsed, tossed into a used diaper container and then washed.  gDiaper’s convenience is a bit of a hybrid between cloth and disposable, they have a flushable insert that you drop in the toilet, but don’t flush there!  The gDiaper needs help breaking down in the bowl with a couple of twists of a “swirl stick” (provided).  But that’s only for non-poopie diapers.  For poopie filled diapers, you need to remove the secondary lining and throw it in the wash.  It’s not the least complex of systems but for unpooed diapers, it saves you a step over cloth.

Winner: Disposable

Cost

This is a tough one to evaluate as both cloth and disposables have widely varying price ranges.  That being said, the average cost for disposables according the The New Parenting Guide is $50 to $80 dollars a month while cloth ranges from $25 to $60 dollars a month (including washing), an average saving of almost $600 dollars over the course of two years.  The Real Diaper Association suggests savings of twice that amount if one uses a more resilient cloth diaper.  gDiapers, lose out in the price category.  With an average baby getting changed five times a day, the flushable inserts are going to cost mommy and daddy $72 a month.

 Winner: Cloth

Absorbency

 Disposables have a gel-infused super absorbent core, gDiapers have their flushable liner, and cloth diaper’s have covers, liners, and the cloth itself.   Who wins?  Disposables.  A typical disposables absorbent core can hold up to three times more urine than both the cloth and gDiapers, but at what cost?

 Winner: Disposable

Skin Protection/Health

 Disposables are filled with all sorts of nasty things: dyes, sodium polyacrylate (the absorbent gel), bleach, and dioxin, just to name a few.  Both dyes and dioxin have been known to cause damage to the central nervous system, kidneys, and liver in lab rats.  Additionally, the absorbency of disposables results in a fewer diaper changes resulting in skin being in contact with the bacteria in urine for longer periods of time, resulting in more rashes.  According to the Journal of Pediatrics 54% of one-month old babies using disposables get rashes while 16% get severe rashes.  Both cloth and gDiapers, share the absence of the chemicals contained in disposables and although they do need to be changed more frequently this results in less exposure to rash causing bacteria.  

 Winner:  Cloth and gDiaper tie.

 Environmental Impact

 It’s no secret that disposables are in last place in this category.  Ten thousand tons of disposable diapers get dumped into our landfills every day.  It’s basically the equivalent of dumping 3.4 billion barrels of oil and 250,000 trees into a landfill.  Additionally, the five million tons of untreated biological waste can contaminate groundwater.  The waste from the cloth and gDiapers both go through traditional wastewater facilities to ensure proper treatment of potentially harmful biological materials (poop).  Both cloth and gDiapers produce drastically less waste than disposables. Cloth without a liner resulting in the least paper material disposed.  Obviously, both gDiapers and cloth diapers use water but determining which uses more isn’t as clear.  The efficiency of your toilet and washer can greatly impact the amount of water used, up to fifty gallons per load and seven gallons per flush.  But, if you scrape cloth diaper poop into the toilet anyways, then it looks like the gDiaper is the winner with water savings. 

Winner? gDiaper can produce less water waste, while unlined cloth diapers produce less paper waste.

The Skinny on the Nappy

Although disposables are more convenient and absorbent they have some serious drawbacks: they expose your kid to toxic chemicals, fill landfills, contaminate water, and can cost more than alternatives.  Cloth diapers are the cheapest and can be reused.  With gDiapers you spend more but with that come greater convenience, easier disposal and less environmental impact over disposables.